


You Deserve to be Saved

by theratheller



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas doesn’t get taken by the empty, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Idiots in Love, Jack Knows, M/M, NOT ABANDONED - i’ve started working on this again xoxo, No Jack bomb, Pining, Post canon fix-it, Requited Love, Sam Knows, Season 15 Fix-It, Slow Burn, The Empty, We deserve happiness, canon-divergent, deans pov, implied sexual content (off screen), ish, very little angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27670144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theratheller/pseuds/theratheller
Summary: Dean finds out about Castiel’s deal with the Empty. He sure as hell isn’t letting it take him, he also isn’t letting Cas live without happiness either.(Set post s15e14ish onwards).
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 67
Kudos: 134





	1. The Deal

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since that finale I just want to put out happy, hopeful energy into the world to counteract whatever that was. Please enjoy. xx

He’d only been making his way to the bunker’s kitchen for a late night glass of water. How was he supposed to know Cas and Jack would already be in there chatting amongst themselves? He couldn’t not eavesdrop now. So he stood there, in the hallway, a slight distance from the kitchen... listening. He wouldn’t have done this usually, but the word “deal” had pricked his ears and sent a feeling of dread throughout his body.

“Cas. I know you said Sam and Dean don’t need to know about it. But- but what if the Empty does come for you? What will I tell them? What will I do without you?” Jack questioned, his voice soft, confused. 

The Empty? Why were they talking about the Empty? What did this have to do with a deal? Dean’s mind paced, tracing back through all the interactions he knew of that Cas had with the Empty. Nothing in particular came to mind that would relate to a deal. Still, anxiety coursed through his body. This couldn’t be anything good. 

His train of thought was interrupted by Castiel’s response.

“Jack, I understand why you’re worried, I do. But- I told you, I’m not going to be happy anytime soon. It’s just- It’s not going to happen for me. You have enough on your mind, you don’t have to worry about me. You already carry too much weight on your shoulders.” He responded, despite the gravelly nature of his voice it was comforting. Dean had always thought it sounded like home. 

He cut that thought off. He always cut thoughts like that off. They didn’t feel, safe. It felt like prodding something dangerous. 

He tried to follow along with Jack and Castiel’s conversation, but it only seemed to get more confusing. What did the Empty have to do with Cas’ happiness? Why wasn’t Cas happy? Their lives weren’t perfect, but having Cas around definitely made him happier. He had thought maybe Cas felt similarly. God- he sounded like a school girl with a crush. 

No. Never mind. That was, again, one of those dangerous thoughts. 

“What would it take? For you. To be happy?” he heard Jack ask carefully. 

While Dean still didn’t fully understand what this conversation was about, this intrigued him. He held his breath in anticipation of the answer. For what reason this made him so nervous, he didn’t comprehend. 

“I. Um. It’s.” Cas fumbled over his words. Suddenly uncomfortable? No. Not uncomfortable. Scared? 

They remained silent. Dean heard his own heart thumping. 

“It’s nothing Jack. It’s... it’s not something that I could ever have.” Cas responded, attempting to sound casual. It only came out pained. 

“Please?” Jack pleaded. Dean pleaded silently alongside him. He needed to know. For some reason this now seemed like the most important thing in the world. The world which, might be ending soon. Even so, the idea of something out there that Cas wanted and thought he couldn’t have. It hurt. Cas deserved to be happy, why couldn’t he be happy? Why shouldn’t he have whatever it was? 

Cas sighed. Not harshly. But with a deep sadness Dean could detect even without seeing his face. He could imagine his furrowed brows, his soft oceanic eyes, his pink lips parted-. Dean sighed. Those thoughts again. 

“Dean.” said a soft but deep, barely there voice. 

He froze in place. Shit. Had they caught him? He began to step forward and guiltily make his way forth before he heard Jack speak.

“You love him... you’re in love with him. Like in the movies?” He suggested, with the knowing wisdom of a child, stating the simply obvious. 

Dean froze again. Unable to process what Jack had said. His head was empty. In that moment he could think nothing, he felt suspended. 

“Yes.” Cas responded. A tone of surprise in his voice. “How did you-“ 

“And you don’t think he loves you back?” Jack questioned, sounding genuinely perplexed. 

“I- uh” Cas composed his confused self, and sighed. “I know he doesn’t Jack. And that’s okay. I’m glad to even be a part of his life. But, he sees me as a brother, he’s told me many times.” Cas replied tenderly. But he could hear the ache underlying it all. 

Dean’s heart continued to race. Maybe this was some sort of weirdly real seeming dream. He pinched his arm.

Nope, not a dream. 

“I don’t know what it’s like to be in love. But if you love Dean...” Jack seemed to be concentrating hard as he spoke; Dean could hear it in his voice; like he was solving a complex equation. 

“Well I’ve seen how you act around him. And he acts the same around you? You’re always staring at each other. And you’re sad when he’s not around, and- he’s sad when you’re not around. So he must be in love with you too!” Jack excitedly proclaimed. “Oh wait, no that’s bad isn’t it? Because of the Empty deal?” 

“I- um no uh.” Cas seemed confused about how to handle this conversation. Despite everything Dean suppressed a chuckle. 

“Jack, I assure you Dean does not feel the same way. The love you see from him, it’s- it’s familial. And that’s why we don’t need to worry about the deal. I do thank you for trying to make me feel better through.” Cas managed to respond. 

Dean stood there. Cas. Cas loved him. Cas had made some sort of deal with the Empty linked to his happiness. And Cas loved him. The thought surged a wave of joy throughout him, for reasons he continued to pretend not to understand. The joy did not last. 

His stomach suddenly churned. Something bad would happen to Cas if he was happy- if Dean-. Dean blew air though his nose, a silent but dark chuckle. Those thoughts had been dangerous after all.


	2. Coming Out; Sorta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After overhearing Cas and Jacks conversation about the Empty deal in the kitchen, Dean is conflicted.
> 
> Sam provides some much needed brain cells.

Dean stared up at the ceiling from his bed. He wasn’t a coward. Listen. In any other circumstance he would’ve barged into the kitchen and chastised Cas for making a stupid deal, and then they would’ve gotten him out of it somehow. He’d have barrelled into the Empty, guns blazing if he had to. But it just, didn’t seem smart talking to Cas yet, when the deal seemed to hinge on- well- when it was so closely linked to Dean. 

He tried not to think too hard about what that implied. Why he feared facing Cas.

He kept going over the conversation he’d heard. No matter which way he interpreted it or tried to find some other meaning - it always ended the same. Like in the movies, Jack had said, and Cas had agreed. Cas was in love with him. Angel of the lord, cosmic entity Cas. Powerful. Good. Too good for-

He blinked rapidly.

It was all too overwhelming. For years he’d pushed it all back, the way he felt around Cas. Locked it away and thrown away the key. Not because of his vessel. He- well- even Dean could inwardly admit he was a bit repressed. But, he’d been slowly realising over the course of the last few years, that all those “man crushes” were something more (damn you Dr Sexy). He’d filed away processing and dealing with that for some other time, when there wasn’t an apocalypse or some other end of the world scenario on their hands.

It wasn’t his vessel that bothered Dean. It was himself. Even if an angel could love in that way, it wouldn’t love him. A broken, angry man who took his hurt out on the world. Cas was good, Cas was caring, he approached the world with kindness. Dean was, well. Dean.

But now. Having heard how Cas felt, he felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. He was scared, and he felt a tinge of excitement too. But all of that was overshadowed by a cloud of disappointment and dread. The deal. Whatever it was. Meant that Dean couldn’t do anything about what he’d heard. Not that there was necessarily anything he would do, he quickly noted to himself. 

He immediately sighed at the thought and internally swore. Why was he so scared to admit it even in his own head?

He bolted up from his horizontal position, and started pacing around his darkened bedroom. He contemplated talking to Sam. 

But the idea of how mortifying that conversation would be stopped him. 

‘Hey Sam our best friend is in love with me and I-‘

‘Cas love loves me and-‘ 

‘You ever seen Brokeback Mountain Sammy? Well-’

God. He was losing his mind, there’s no way he could keep this to himself. He considered it again for a moment. 

Dean picked up his phone, and hit some buttons. It rung for a few moments before a groggy but frantic voice answered. 

“Dean? What’s wrong are you okay?!” Sam exclaimed. 

“I’m fine man I- I um. I just wanted to talk about something real quick.” Dean responded. God, he felt so silly. 

“You. You called me from a few rooms over at 3am to have a chat?” Sam deadpanned. 

“Uh, yes?” Dean apologetically replied. 

He heard shuffling for a few moments, followed by a knock at his door. 

A disgruntled, disheveled looking Sam greeted him when he opened it. 

“Seriously dude.” Sam walked in rubbing his face, phone in hand. He leaned back against a wall. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked with a kinder tone, stifling a yawn. 

“Um. You know what don’t worry about it.” Dean responded anxiously. Now that his brother was standing in front of him, this conversation seemed like a terrible idea. 

“Yeah, you didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night to clam up now. What is it, let’s get this over with so I can go back to sleep.” Sam looked at him curiously... but mostly with annoyance, maybe a tinge of worry. 

Dean sat down on his bed. He breathed in. 

“Um. It’s about Cas. He made some sort of deal with the Empty.” Dean started.

At that Sam straightened up from his slumped position. “Wait what? What are you talking about? When?”

“I heard him and Jack talking about it in the kitchen just now. They don’t know I know. And- well I don’t know the details but- apparently if Cas is really happy or something I don’t know, then uh. Well then something bad is gonna happen to him.” Dean quickly responded, gulping. Not making eye contact. 

“Dean that makes no sense. If he’s really happy? And what do you mean something bad?” Sam frowned at him in confusion. 

“I told you man! I don’t know, I only heard bits and pieces!” Dean threw up his arms in seeming frustration, though really he was feeling defensive. 

“Well why didn’t you ask him about it if you heard them talking about a deal?” Sam questioned. 

“I-“ Dean looked at Sam for second, before immediately glancing away. 

“What is it Dean?” Sam asked accusatorially. 

“There’s more. He- Jack asked him what would make him happy enough for whatever it is to happen. And-.” He rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. 

Sam looked back at him with a raised eyebrow, his expression curious. He squinted his eyes slightly as if he were hazarding some sort of guess in his mind but not saying it out loud. 

Dean continued, wanting to get the conversation over and done with. 

“Caslovesme” he blurted out, his face turning red. 

He stared down at the floor waiting for Sam to respond. When nothing came he looked up slowly, for some reason scared of the reaction he’d see. 

Sam stood there lips pressed together clearly trying to suppress a laugh.

“Why are you laughing?!” Dean whisper-yelled at him. Offended that his brother wasn’t talking this seriously.

“I’m not lau-“ His own escaped chuckle interrupted his sentence. “I’m not laughing Dean, it’s just. I mean. I thought we all knew and were pretending not to that you two are obsessed with each other” 

Deans eyes nearly bulged out of his skull. He sputtered an incoherent jumble of words before trying again. “You- you think we’re-.” He managed to choke out.

“You literally just said Cas is in love with you Dean.” Sam reasoned, amused. 

“What makes you think that I-“ 

“Dean I see the way you guys are with each other. It’s obvious.” Sam replied as if he was talking about something as trivial as the weather. 

“Also maybe next time you use my computer to take multiple ‘Am I Gay?’ quizzes online and then to read articles on bisexuality, delete the history if you don’t want me to know.” Sam smirked at him, eyebrow raised. 

Dean could only stare back in shock. Sams expression softened.

“Hey man, you know that I- you know I-support you right? It’s all-“

“Okay let’s not turn this into a coming of age flick” Dean quickly quipped back. Growing uncomfortable with how vulnerable he felt. 

Sam sighed. “Okay, well we can deal with you two later.” 

Dean exhaled.

Sam continued on methodically. “But we need to figure out this deal situation, whether you’re in love-“ Dean glanced at him awkwardly. “- or not. It’s probably best to find Cas a way out of whatever the deal is.” 

“You’re right” Dean replied, now serious. 

“We have to tell him you overheard.” Sam looked at him, waiting for the protest to come... and it did. 

“What? No. No he can’t know that I-“

“We’ll just tell him we know about the deal. Not the rest.” Sam attempted to reason. 

“I don’t know man.” Dean uneasily replied. His heart was racing again. This all felt like playing with fire. He was scared of his own... feelings. Yes. But he was also worried for Cas. Dean didn’t want to be the cause of something bad happening to him. He also knew that Sam and him didn’t know enough about the deal to figure out a way to fight it on their own. Especially not while they were also trying to deal with Chuck. This couldn’t have come at a worse time.

“What if we just talk to Jack? Keep Cas out of it. Just to keep him safe. It would be better if he doesn’t know, he could accidentally trigger the deal or something I don’t know.” Dean continued, sounding unconvinced. 

“That is a terrible idea, since when has keeping secrets worked out well for any of us?” Sam was exasperated.

“Hey, he kept the secret first. It’s only fair.” Dean replied, defensive. He received only the patented Sam Winchester bitch face in response. 

Dean sighed. “Fine. Okay. I’ll. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. Just about the Empty stuff! Until we can find a way out of the deal.” 

“Oh until? What are your plans after that?” Sam asked with feigned innocence.

“Get out.” 

Sam chuckled as he left. “Sweet dreams Dean” he replied in a deep voice, attempting to imitate a certain angel. 

Dean threw his pillow. It thudded against the quickly closing door and fell. 

He was so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so much dialogue and barely anything happens! But I felt like some contemplation was needed here. Hope y’all are doing alright and that you enjoy xx


	3. A Dangerous Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally asks Cas about the Empty deal. So much remains unsaid.

Three days had passed. Dean hadn’t had a chance to speak to Cas yet. But not because he was avoiding him. 

That one time that Cas had walked into the library and Dean had immediately bolted out to grab some beer? That was just stock replenishment. They were running low. And sure, when Cas had wandered into the ‘Dean Cave’ the previous night; taking a break from his search for Amara; Dean had turned the tv off mid movie and told him he was tired. But that was because... well, he was sleepy damn it! The conversation could wait for some other time! Denial was a hell of a thing.

Sam hadn’t stopped pestering him, naturally. 

“If you don’t talk to him soon, I will Dean” Dean mimicked the threat from earlier in the day to himself in a high pitched voice. 

He paced around his room, much like a few nights ago when he’d been contemplating talking to Sam. Like that time his patience with himself was wearing thin. 

“Damn it.” He gruffly muttered out.

“Cas, you got your ears on? We need to uh. We need to talk. It’s. It’s important.” He awkwardly spoke out into the room. 

He could just call Cas. Or just, walk up to him. He was pretty sure Cas was in the bunker library right now. But a part of him was hoping this way Cas wouldn’t hear his prayer and he could say he had tried at least. Dean seemed to have no such luck however. His door opened, and then closed.

“Dean. Is everything okay? I was in the bunker, why did you pray?” Cas stood before him, quizzical. 

Dean’s heart rate began to increase at a steady but noticeable pace. The room seemed to be a lot smaller than it had been a moment ago. Cas tilted his head and stepped forward, ocean blue eyes piercing right through Dean.

“Huh.” Dean managed to respond. 

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Castiel’s tone grew more alarmed. 

Dean gulped and stepped aside. He glanced out into the rest of his room. Cas’ eye contact was too much in that moment. His mind was racing a million miles a minute. He was trying not to think of what he’d heard the other day. As if even thinking of it would give it all away. The fact that Cas lo-. No. He couldn’t think about it. 

“Cas I-“ He gulped. “I heard you and Jack talking in the kitchen the other day. About a deal? With the Empty?” Dean managed to keep his tone balanced and serious. Giving nothing away. 

He glanced back at Cas, who’s eyes were widened. Nervous, yes. But also pained. Like he was watching something slip away. 

Dean continued. “I uh- I’m gonna be honest man I didn’t really understand most of it. I just. I just heard Jack ask you about what to tell Sam and me about some deal and then I uh. I left and told Sam.” He tried to sound convincing, but he couldn’t tell if it was coming out that way. 

Cas relaxed slightly. Still looking apprehensive however.

“I- I’m sorry Dean. I didn’t want to worry you.” Cas said as he glanced around uncomfortably. 

“If you tell me how much you heard I can explain the rest to you. I- I really am sorry.” He continued, looking up at Dean tentatively. 

They were playing a dangerous game, and Dean knew it. One slip up and Cas could be gone. Forever. Or that’s what he assumed. That was the frustrating part, he didn’t even know what exactly would happen if- He shook his head to himself.

“Uh, pretty much heard what I just told you buddy. You made a deal with the empty? That’s about it.” Dean replied, glancing up Cas with a nervous frown. 

Cas seemed to relax further. The tension and fear that had seemed to radiate off him moments ago lessened. Dean couldn’t say the same for himself. 

In the next moments Cas explained it all to Dean. Saving Jack, in exchange for himself. How the Empty would only come for him in the moment he let himself be truly happy. And how they didn’t have to worry because, well, with their lives when was that going to happen? He explained everything, told Dean all the details. Everything except what it was that would bring him that happiness. 

By the end of it Cas seemed nonchalant. But Dean only felt even more sick. They sat side by side at the end of his bed, looking out into the room. 

“Are you angry Dean?” Cas asked softly. 

“No I. No man. Not at you. It’s what any of us would’ve done. It’s just- It’s just not fair.” Dean painfully choked out, not looking at Cas. 

“Dean, it’s okay. Like I said. It’s not like we need to worry about it anytime soon. If ever”. Cas replied sadly. 

Dean glanced to his side, looking at Cas who was smiling at him softly. His heart broke. It happened in that moment. Dean could swear he heard it cracking, he swore he could feel it coming apart. Because in that moment what he’d been pushing down these past few days, the past few years, it was as clear as day in his head. He was in love with his best friend. He was in love with Cas, and Cas loved him back. But he’d been too much of an idiot to do anything about it, and now he couldn’t even if he wanted to. Maybe this cruel joke was what he deserved, but not Cas. Cas deserved to be happy. 

But no. Cas couldn’t even know that Dean knew about any of it. 

Dean chuckled darkly to himself. No humour in his tone.

“What is it Dean?” Cas furrowed his brow. 

“Nothing I- So what would it be that could actually make you that happy? For the Empty to come snatch you up?” 

What are you doing, what are you doing, what are you doing? Alarms went off in Deans head. Why would he ask that? It was out before he had the chance to stop it. He braced himself.

Cas visibly stiffened. He finally looked away from Dean. 

“Honestly, I don’t know.” He replied quickly. 

“I should get going Dean, I’m no use sitting around here when I could be out looking for Amara, and helping in the fight against Chuck.” Cas stood swiftly. 

“Cas” Dean called out, not moving from where he was.

Castiel stopped in his tracks, the door part way open already.

“We’re gonna get you out of this, okay? We’re gonna find you a way out of the deal that won’t put Jack in danger. You’re gonna get to be happy without worrying about some bastard cosmic entity taking you away for it.” Dean could feel his throat closing up as he said it, the words becoming more and more strained. 

He heard Cas sigh softly. 

“Thank you Dean.” 

He didn’t sound convinced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I didn’t mean for this to get so angsty!! I promise they’ll get to be happy because it’s what they and we all deserve!!


	4. Fight for Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas doesn’t think the Empty deal will be of any concern. He doesn’t think happiness is anywhere nearby. Dean disagrees.

Sam and Dean were about to hopefully go find Amara and get her on their side, and Jack and Billie’s plan seemed to be progressing... whatever it was. Things weren’t going terribly.

In their spare time Dean, Sam, and Jack had been doing extensive research on how to get Cas out of his empty deal. 

Cas seemed less concerned about that last matter, much to Dean’s constant dismay. Jack and Sam would give him knowing looks each time the two argued about it. He hadn’t talked to Jack about, well, knowing about anything beyond the bare minimum details of the deal. But the kid was wise for his years. He picked things up.

Right now he was looking at Dean with wide concerned eyes. 

“Cas this is important damn it!” Dean said gruffly, clearly making an effort to not raise his voice too harshly. 

“Dean” was all Cas replied, clearly frustrated with the conversation. 

“How are you okay with giving up your life like this man?!” Dean stood up from his chair to get at eye level with Cas, who was standing. 

Jack and Sam stayed seated at the table, though they’d stopped pretending to be paying attention to the laptops in front of them a while back.

“I’m n- I’m not giving up my life Dean. I told you. It’ll only come for me wh-“

“When you’re truly happy, yeah I know.” Dean snapped back. “And you’re okay with that?!” He continued. He wished he could get Cas to understand without endangering him. He wished he could inspire in him the same urgency he felt. He needed Cas out of the deal so that-

“Dean I- I’m not- It’s just not something we need to be worried about.” Cas stared upwards, clearly exasperated. Though there was underlying pain in his voice. 

“What if it is?” Dean replied. He attempted to maintain the sharp argumentative tone. However, the question came out softer than he had wanted. He inwardly cursed himself. 

Cas turned to look at him. He squinted slightly before his expression balanced out. 

“I assure you it’s not. Dean right now our priority is Chuck.“ Cas glanced seriously towards the table at Jack. 

“You’re a priority too, don’t think you’re not.” Dean somehow managed to throw out the caring words roughly. 

Cas looked pained. “Dean I- right now I’m really not.” 

“You don’t need to worry about me”. He continued when he saw Dean open his mouth to begin to argue again.

“You should probably go look for Amara now, it’s time Jack and I head out to this-“ he sighed exasperatedly “-murder investigation.”

“Come on Jack let’s go get your things.” Cas finished, walking away with Jack trailing after him. Not allowing Dean to say anything further. Dean who now stood staring at Castiel’s retreating form as if he was worried he’d never see it again.

Sam stood up and walked over to Dean delicately. As if he were approaching a scared, wounded animal.

“De-“

“Don’t.” Dean replied roughly. 

Sam sighed.

“Okay, well. We probably want to start heading out then.” He replied softly, and began to walk towards the bunker door.

Dean tried not to take it personally. Cas didn’t know that Dean knew, and that he felt- 

Cas didn’t know that the happiness he wanted was closer than he thought. Even so. It felt like he was refusing to fight for them. Dean knew that was unfair but he couldn’t help feel it.

He wished he could turn back around and follow after Cas. Lay it all out on the table. Tell him everything. Empty be damned. He’d fight it off with his bare hands if he had to.

But instead, he followed Sam out the bunker door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty short and filler-y but the next chapter will be more plot heavy!! xx


	5. Never Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when they find a way to save Cas, something else gets in the way. But still, Cas and Dean manage to have hope.

The conversation with Amara had gone better than expected. Yes, they’d had to lie to her. But if this is what it took to get rid of Chuck then so be it. Or at least that’s how Dean was attempting to justify it to himself. 

He had gotten some much needed answers from their talk, about his mother... He hated to admit it but there was clarity and logic to Amara’s reasoning. Still, the rage inside him bubbled.

But he pushed away the anger for now, trying to focus on the good. Amara had suggested a solution to their Cas problem. She’d said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

It seemed so simple now that it was all laid out. Knowing what their lives were like however, he wasn’t sure it would be ultimately.

More so, what if Cas didn’t agree? What if he didn’t- what if he didn’t want to become human? Even if it meant out of the deal? 

It hadn’t been easy for him the last time, and Dean sure hadn’t helped. Guilt poured over him in waves as he remembered the previous time. Cas. Helpless. On his own. All because of Dean’s stupid decisions. 

His throat felt tight. 

“You reckon Cas will agree to this?” Sam questioned from the passenger seat, interrupting his thoughts.

“I don’t know man.”

“I don’t think the Empty will be happy. But surely it can’t come after Jack with everything going on with Billie right now. So we should be alright there.” Sam continued energetically as if Dean hadn’t said anything.

“Maybe, I don’t know”. Dean responded, mellow. 

Sam shifted to look over at him. 

“I thought you’d be happier about this Dean. We’ve finally got a plan for Cas.”

“I’m happy we have a plan man, I am. I- I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop you know?” Dean replied.

Sam continued looking at him worriedly, so he continued.

“And what if... what if Cas doesn’t agree?” He finished softly. 

“Why wouldn’t he?” Sam asked, confused. His brow furrowed.

“I don’t know man, becoming human? What if he doesn’t want to give up being an angel? It was hardly easy for him last time.” Dean responded, attempting to sound casual. 

“He managed alright, everything considered.” Sam shrugged before continuing “And besides what other choice does he have?”

Dean attempted to agree, to convince himself, but he couldn’t stop the worry simmering. 

• 

That night Dean stopped Cas on his way out of the bunker.

“What’s happening, where are you going?” He questioned. Cas was always leaving. Why was he always leaving? Was this about their fight earlier? Had he pushed him away again?

“I’m going to look for another way... I have to” Cas responded seriously.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He was confused, scared. It came out angry.

Cas stepped forward. “In case something goes wrong, and I don’t make it back. There’s something you and Sam need to know” 

Deans heart sank. And it only dropped further as Castiel explained to him why he was leaving.

Jack. 

Destroying Chuck and Amara would take him out in the process, that was what Billie’s plan entailed.

“You understand now why I have to find another way Dean.” Castiel peered up at him attempting to make eye contact. 

Dean stared down at the ground. He hated being right. Their lives could never be easy. Things could never click into place. 

“Dean?” Cas questioned. 

“I- If Jack- If him dying is the only way then-“

“Dean you can’t be serious. I know you-” Cas interrupted with outrage. 

“I know you and Jack haven’t had it easy but I know you wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice him like this either.” His voice was cracking, emotions breaking through. The hurt was evident. 

Dean continue to avoid eye contact. 

“Look at me Dean.” 

Dean looked up. A blue sea of emotions pierced right through him. His heart softened. He sighed. He was sure the pain was clear as day on his face. He was sure the rest of it was too. Everything he attempted to hide. It must’ve been.

“No I- You’re right Cas, I know you’re right it’s just- Just when we’d found a way to help you.” He replied with the prior harshness in his voice now stripped away. 

“What do you mean?” Cas enquired, tilting his head slightly.

“Amara. She said the Empty can’t take you if you’re a human.” He replied, tentative. He was filled with anxiety in anticipation of Cas’ reaction to the idea.

Silence stretched out before them.

“I guess it could work.” He squinted at Dean. “But I need my grace- or whatever of it remains to find a way to save Jack.” He finished carefully. 

“I know. I know Cas. I just- I wish we could get you out of this deal.” He swallowed down the lump in his throat. 

“It’s okay Dean. I’ve told you, I’m safe from the Empty.” When Deans pained expression didn’t falter he continued “If all works out and we can find a way to save Jack and defeat Chuck, then- Then I would have no problem becoming human.” 

Dean straightened. His face now less pained, more curious and tense. 

“Really? You would become human? Even after how it was the last time?” Dean asked hesitantly. Guilt stabbing through him again.

“If it was the only way... And if it’ll really bring you that much relief to have me out of this deal then I’m willing to do it. I haven’t felt like an angel for a while.” He replied softly.

Dean attempted to keep his expression casual. Worried the slightest thing would give him away and take Cas from him.

“But for now I have to go. First we save Jack.” Cas finally stated. 

“Promise me you’ll come back man.” Dean replied, taken aback and almost embarrassed at how desperate he sounded. He felt too vulnerable. He felt like ruining the moment with anger, with humour, something. But he couldn’t do it right now. He was just so tired. He was tired of hiding.

Castiel’s expression softened, slight surprise in his eyes. “Of course Dean.” 

“We’re gonna save Jack, and we’re gonna kill God. Then we’re gonna get you out of that damn deal and-“ his tone remained stable and determined until the last word, where he faltered “-and you’re gonna get to be happy Cas” he finished. His heart was pounding through his chest. Had he said too much?

He received only a sad smile in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope y’all are enjoying this!! I’m finding it cathartic changing little details from the season to make things ultimately happier (in the end). xx


	6. The Only Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys continue to look for a way to save Jack and Cas. Dean doesn’t know how to cope.

“Do you think this will work?”

“I don’t know Dean, but it’s the closest to a plan we seem to have right now.” Cas responded. He sounded tired. Traversing all over in the search for a way to save Jack was surely draining. 

“Will Jack agree?” 

“Dean.” Cas replied, exasperated. The list of questions had been never ending and Castiel’s response of ‘I don’t know’ unchanging. 

“Sorry I just-“ Dean gripped onto the phone tighter, pacing. “-I’m worried man. About you, about the kid.” 

Ever since he’d resolved certain revelations within himself and begun to process how he felt about his best friend, he’d been finding it easier to be vulnerable. A wall had been knocked down. 

It still wasn’t easy. But easier. To talk. To let himself feel things. 

“I understand Dean.” Castiel replied softly. 

He didn’t. Dean knew he didn’t completely understand. He couldn’t. Not yet. Not until it was safe. 

“Have you told Sam? About Jack?” Cas continued. 

“Yeah, Sammy didn’t take it well. I told him though. We’re gonna find a way out of it.” Dean responded, straightening up. 

“So which one of us should talk to Billie?” He continued.

“I’ll talk to Jack and the two of us will contact Billie together. I think you should talk this out with Sam, it doesn’t guarantee Jacks safety but it’s either this or certainly losing him.” Cas gravely replied over the line.

“You’re right. I’ll- I’ll talk to Sam.” 

“Alright then I should g-“ 

“Cas wait.” Dean blurted out. 

He didn’t know what he wanted to say. He didn’t have anything more to talk about really. At least for now. 

Nothing to discuss that wouldn’t put Cas in danger from the Empty. But even then he just wanted to stay on the phone with Cas a little longer. Just a moment. He wanted to hear his voice, he wanted-

“Is there something else?” Cas questioned. 

“Um.” Dean gulped. “How are you? Are you worried about the Empty?” Fuck. Why did he keep doing that? Seeing how close he could get? He was being reckless and selfish and it only added fuel to his self contempt. 

“The Empty? I, uh- No?” Castiel sounded confused about the change in conversation. 

“Good, I uh. I guess I’ll go talk to Sam.” He replied, silently cursing himself. 

“Okay... Goodbye Dean.” 

“Be safe man.” 

The call ended. 

God. They had to get Cas out of this deal quick.

He scoffed. Not like they had much in the way. Just had to save their son and then kill God. No big deal. 

Dean walked back to the Impala where Sam waited while chastising himself internally. He was feeling a little sorry for himself. 

Maybe a lot sorry.

Sam looked up with concern as Dean approached “What’d Cas say?” 

“He thinks he found a way, it- It’s risky. But I guess not as bad as turning Jack into a friggin bomb. I’ll explain it on the ride back, it’s complicated.” 

Sam clearly wanted to press further but he nodded. He wasn’t taking the news about Jack well, but he was determined. 

“Anything else?”

“What else would there be?” Dean was already feeling defensive.

“I mean. How are you doing. With the whole Cas situation?” Sam asked softly. 

“I’m fan-friggin-tastic. Can we get going?” 

“Dean, come on. You know I’m here to talk. And I’m the only one you can talk to this about right now so please, don’t hold it all in.” Sam stayed patient.

Dean sighed. When Sam continued to look at him expectantly he caved.

“I- I know man I just. I just wanna help Jack, and kill Chuck and then we can get Cas out of that damn deal. I don’t want- if he-.” He struggled. 

“-I just can’t. If I keep letting myself feel- I don’t want to put him in danger.” He barely managed to get it out. 

Sam nodded sincerely.

“It’s okay Dean. We’ll get through this. You’ll get through it. You’ll get to have it all. Being happy. It’s what you both deserve.” Sam smiled sadly at him. 

“Yeah.” It was all Dean could manage to respond plainly. 

Before Sam could say anything more Dean walked up to the car and slid into the drivers seat. Sam silently followed parallel to him. 

I love you Cas, he thought to himself as they took off out of the parking lot. 

He couldn’t say it yet. So he’d think it now and then when it was all too much. It comforted him. If nothing else was certain this was. He knew it. They may be puppets in Chucks story but this. This was real. 

He couldn’t say it yet. But once he could, he would never stop. He believed wholeheartedly that if he ever finally got to say it he’d never know how to say anything else again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been a while since the last update! I’ve been super busy (christmas + working in retail = no spare time). Next chapters gonna be longer and move things along a lot more 👀
> 
> Hope y’all enjoy this chapter xx


	7. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys talk to Billie. Castiel pushes Dean away. 
> 
> Things are never simple.

Sam, Dean, Cas and Jack stood around the bunker library table. Their collective nerves permeating throughout the room.

“Where is she?” Dean muttered

“She’ll be here soon.” Jack responded patiently.

“That’s what you said 5 minutes ago.” Dean huffed out. 

“Dean.” Sam chastised, shooting him a ‘knock it off’ look. 

At that Dean rolled his eyes and wandered over toward Castiel’s end of the table. He hadn’t gotten to see Cas much since he had gotten back from the hunt with Sam. It was probably for the best, but Dean missed their friendly interactions, or even their argumentative interactions. 

Interactions in general. 

It seemed like he couldn’t help looking for any excuse to be around or talk to Cas these days. More so than usual. Drawn, despite the danger Dean constantly felt radiating whenever they were together. Danger of losing him. 

“How you think this is gonna go down?” Dean tried casually, looking over at Cas expectantly. The other man shifted away the slightest amount.

“We will find out soon enough.” 

Dean continued to look at him, unsure of how to keep the conversation going. 

“You think she’ll agree? Man I hope she does, I need at least one thing to go smooth around here” 

Cas noncommittally nodded, still not looking over at Dean. He stood tensely. 

“You alright there?” Dean asked, his brown furrowing. He was concerned, and a little annoyed at the lack of engagement he was receiving. 

Before he could get a response there was a disturbance at the other end of the table. 

“Boys.”

Billie. 

The brothers, Cas, and Jack all straightened up, naturally shifting closer to one another. 

“So. I hear you want to alter our-“ Billie tilted her head in amusement “-my plan against Chuck.” 

Her eyes passed over each one of them inquisitorially as she walked up to them. 

Cas stepped up.

“We know that completing this mission will destroy Chuck as well as kill Jack in the process. We can’t- we won’t let that happen.” 

“Is that so?” 

“What he’s trying to say is, we’ve found another way. Your plan, but with some changes to keep Jack alive.” Sam interjected firmly.

“I’m listening” Billie responded, with the quirk of a brow and a hint of a smile. 

And so Castiel explained. The search for another way, the many dead ends he’d encountered, and the one ray of hope. 

Manuscripts of a spell containing similar ingredients and rituals. But instead of blasting away power, it would absorb. Some of the technical details flew over Dean’s head but he nodded along. 

He could admit to himself, he was slightly entranced watching Cas speak. Though he’d never say anything like that out loud. Sam would never let him live it down. 

He snapped himself out of it and focused back in on the conversation. Jack seemed hopeful, as did Sam, who was interjecting with his own witchy knowledge now and then. 

Cas was clearly determined, and a little scared. Dean could sense it.

As he finished his explanation, a stretch of silence followed as Billie seemed to be contemplating. They all watched her anxiously.

“Decent work Castiel.” Billie nodded at him approvingly after a few seconds, before shifting to a more critical tone. “But, your plan has some flaws. The remnants of spell you found leave some key elements out.”

“The manuscript says that a similar ritual can be us-“

“To create a power vacuum yes. But for that we would first need to detonate the bomb- Jack- in a contained environment.” She interrupted. 

Castiel and Sam both went to interject at once but Billie cut them off.

“I said the plan was decent, but it seems that I’ll have to perfect it on my own.” She surveyed them all. “You boys continue on collecting what we need. I’ll return when I have more information for you.”

“Wait!” Dean called out. They all looked over at him as he continued. “That’s it? You can’t just keep running off like this while keeping us in the dark.” Dean exclaimed, his voice threatening to rise. 

“I’m helping you with this altered spell. Be grateful I am allowing that much Dean.” Billie responded. There was no anger in her tone but it was threatening nonetheless. 

And with that she was gone. 

Dean swore to himself. 

“Great. Awesome.”

“Dean at least she’s helping us.” Sam reasoned. 

“We’ll see about that.” 

“Sam’s right. Dont worry Dean, it’ll all be okay.” Jack smiled at him softly.

Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

He looked over at Cas. 

“What do you think, is she being straight with us?” 

“We can only hope.” Castiel promptly responded before moving on. “Jack and I should go retrieve this final piece of the ritual.” He continued. His expression unchanging. Unrevealing. 

“We’ll go with you.” Dean stated, starting to make his way over to his room to grab his things. 

“No, you two should stay here in case Billie returns, besides you probably should stay and figure out how to update Amara on this plan. We’ll be fine on our own.”

“Sam can do all that.” Dean snapped back, slowing his stride slightly. 

“No Dean.” 

“I’m coming with you.” 

“Dean, no.” 

“Why not man?” He stopped in place, arms gesturing out in confusion. 

The tension had continued to rise as they sparred back and forth. Dean’s last sentence had come out louder than he intended. 

Silence resounded.

Cas looked around, never meeting Dean’s eyes. 

“Sam should have back up. Come on Jack let’s go.” 

With that Castiel swiftly retreated, leaving a confused Dean staring at his form. 

Not worrying about the Empty deal was one thing. But this. Pushing him away. It was a different kind of hurt. 

Dean wracked his brain for reasons why Cas could be acting this way, until it clicked, and with that his heart sank. 

Cas didn’t want to become human. 

That was the only thing that had changed recently. The only new development between them. Cas had told Dean he’d become human to get out of the deal, but what if now he didn’t want to? What if he’d changed his mind? 

He couldn’t force Cas to follow through with the plan. He also couldn’t explain to him why he needed him to so badly. 

I love you, I love you, I love you. 

Please. Please. Please. He chanted it like a soothing mantra in his head. It didn’t help.

He tried swallowing away the bitter taste in his mouth.

After a stretch of silence Sam finally spoke up.

“You okay man?”

“I’m fine. Let’s talk to Amara again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, but enjoy!! I hope y’all are liking where this is headed xx


	8. Longing and Prayers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truths come out, things seem hopeful for the first time in a long time.

“Well that was easy.” 

“Was it?” Dean scoffed. 

“Well she agreed didn’t she? She’s gonna help us lure Chuck in and then let Jack do his thing.” 

“Oh yeah and she wasn’t pissed about us lying to her the first time around at all.” Dean mumbled back sarcastically. 

“She got over it.” Sam snapped. 

Dean didn’t know if that was true, but he had to admit having the weight of that guilt off his shoulders had left him a little lighter at least. Now he could completely focus on the actual problems at hand. 

Chuck. 

The Empty. 

He mulled over the uncertainty of all to come quietly, before his thoughts were interrupted by the bunker door swinging open. 

Jack and Cas appeared on the landing. 

“Look who’s back. How’d it go?” Dean called up. 

“It went well. We met some interesting? People?” Jack responded as he walked down the stairs with Cas trailing behind. He held what looked like a bone in a ziplock bag in his hands. 

“This is the last thing I need to absorb for the ritual, whenever Billie says it’s time.” He held it up with a small smile. 

“What is it?” Dean made a face at the bloody item encased in the bag. 

“Adam’s rib.” Jack proudly stated. 

It took a moment for the rib connection to click, but then, Sam suddenly coughed out in disbelief. “Wait. You mean Adam as in- Adam and Eve?”

“Yes. Well no. He’s with an angel named Serafina now.” Jack responded thoughtfully. 

Sam and Dean blinked back in confusion. 

“Alright then.” Dean nodded uncertainly, not bothering to ask for further clarification. 

The four of them stood in silence for a moment before Dean spoke out again.

“So what now?”

“Now we wait for Billie to come through with her plan.” Castiel finally entered the conversation, not looking in Dean’s direction as he spoke. 

“Great. More waiting around.” Dean rolled his eyes. 

Sam gave him a look of annoyance. 

“Come on Jack let’s put this somewhere safe.” Sam gestured for Jack to follow him. He had grown tired of Dean’s perpetual moodiness about the plan many hours ago and needed an escape. 

That left Cas and Dean standing by the table all on their own. 

Seemingly not for long though, as Cas started to inch away the moment Sam and Jack were out of sight.

“I should go t-“ 

“Hey Cas can we talk?” Dean interrupted. 

He tried to seek out Cas’ eyes with his own, but the angel continued to avoid eye contact with him. Much to Dean’s dismay. 

“About what?” 

“The way you’ve been acting. Why have you been av- Did I piss you off or something?” He decided his first choice of question would’ve put him in too vulnerable of a position. That didn’t seem to matter however. His voice betrayed him anyway, with the hurt bleeding through clear as day. 

On the bright side it meant that Cas finally looked up. He tilted his head sadly, before wiping the expression away.

“No.” 

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing Dean.” Cas’ tone was laced with worry.

“It’s clearly not nothing man.” With that Dean stepped up closer to him. Staring intensely at the man in front of him. Almost wishing that he could see right into him and understand what was inside his head. 

Castiel looked back at him as if he were in pain. 

“Dean I-“ He sighed and stepped to the side. Facing slightly away from Dean. 

He stayed silent for a moment before huffing out. “Dean I want to be around. I want to be here and be useful to you all in this fight against Chuck.” 

With that Dean grew only more confused. He pinched his brows, attempting to understand. 

“What are you talking about? Is this about you not wanting to become human?”

Cas turned back around. His face was tightened in contemplation, as if he were trying to decide or gauge something. His eyes flashed around the room. 

He seemed to finally reach a conclusion though as he looked up at Dean and breathed in with purpose. He spoke carefully, each sentence constructed with care. 

“When it comes to praying. Angels- we don’t just hear the prayers to us. We can also sense direct longing. If it’s strong enough.” When Dean continued to look confused and didn’t respond, Cas went on. 

“Instead of someone praying directly, for me to be able to hear them-“ He glanced down and back up at Dean again hesitantly. “If their longing or some other form of emotion is strong enough, that can also act as a prayer.” The words came out slightly strained. 

Dean’s heart rate quickened. He wasn’t completely sure what this meant but he had his suspicions. He hadn’t exactly been repressing how he felt about Cas lately. It was constantly in the forefront of his mind. But surely that was no danger to him. Wanting Cas around could be seen as friendly, longing didn’t have to mean anything more as far as Cas knew. 

“What does that have to do with anything Cas.” He asked, his voice wavering. 

“I-“ Cas licked his lips. 

“There’s something I’ve heard you say- think- a few times now. It’s been coming to me as a prayer, because of the-” he looked away. “Because of the longing attached to it. And I- I know it doesn’t make sense but I fear it may trigger the Empty deal. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. To stop that from happening.”

Dean’s eyes widened slightly. He swallowed down, attempting to steady his accelerating breathing. 

His comfort. The ‘I love you’ he had been chanting over and over again in his head. What he thought had been harmless, he had been sending directly to Cas. He cursed himself inwardly for being so stupid. 

The terror in him was growing by the second, but he was also slightly encouraged by the fact that Cas seemed to be unharmed so far. So he responded with a revelation of his own.

“Cas that night. When I heard you talking to Jack about the deal. I heard more than just that. I heard you tell him about- well- the thing about me. I know why it would trigger the whole- the Empty thing.” He managed to sputter out. 

At this it was finally Cas who seemed shaken. 

“You’ve known this whole time?” Cas asked.

“I’m sorry man. I didn’t want to put you in danger. But looks like I couldn’t even manage that.” Dean muttered out, slight anger lacing his tone. 

“Did you mean it?” 

“Mean what?” 

“What you’ve been- What I’ve heard you thinking.” Cas glanced around, awkwardly asking the question. 

“If I tell you won’t that-“

“While you mean a lot to me Dean I seem to be too worried about Jack’s safety, Chuck, as well as the deal, to allow myself to be happy right now.” 

Dean’s brow furrowed, he nodded slightly as he considered the words, before looking up at Cas. 

He stepped up closer to him, and with a deep breath he responded. 

“I meant it.” 

“And not- not like a brother?”

“Gross, no.” Dean responded with a humorous tone, but his throat was constricting. With every word he worried the Empty would appear. 

Castiel’s lips turned up at the edges, just slightly. His eyes softened as he spoke. 

“And I meant what I told Jack.”

Dean glanced up at the lights above, attempting to keep his eyes dry. There was so much he wished he could say, do, in that moment. But instead he cleared his throat and tried to compose himself. 

“So now what.” 

“I now understand your urgency about getting me out of this deal. And believe me Dean, I want out. But until we defeat Chuck and I become human, we have to be careful. I don’t- more than ever now, I don’t want to lose-“ Cas cut himself off. 

His nerves were apparent. Whether because of the deal or just expressing how he felt in general. Dean wasn’t sure, but he understood. 

“You’re right.” 

Cas nodded back at him, before looking away with a soft exhale. 

“Hey.” Dean stated, louder than necessary to get Castiel’s eyes back on him. “Right now we gotta keep you safe, so no over the top happiness or whatever. But. We’re gonna get you out of this deal, okay? I- I can’t wait to get you out of this deal.” He tried to sound firm but the last phrase came out soft. 

Cas smiled lightly, before straightening his face. This whole not being happy thing was going to be even harder to manage now, but surely they could grant themselves little moments like this. Moments of reassurance. 

While the stress of defeating Chuck and keeping their son alive was eating at them it surely wouldn’t endanger Cas to have this. 

They stared at each other softly, just enjoying the silence and company. Dean’s hand was slightly twitching at his side, he wondered if it would be too much to reach it over to Castiel’s. 

At that moment Sam walked back in. “Ribs been put aw- what’s going on guys?”

Dean’s smile immediately dropped and he glared up at the ceiling. 

“Really man?” He turned the glare to Sam. 

“What?” Sam questioned defensively. 

Dean just frowned at his confused brother as Cas shook his head at Dean fondly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m nervous about posting this one but I hope y’all like the direction it’s going in 🥺 Enjoy and have a lovely day xx


End file.
